I'm not Sick, I Swear
by ITookTheCookiee
Summary: "I'm not sick. I don't belong here. I swear."
1. Prologue

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

_**Prologue**_

_I'm not sick. I don't belong here. I swear._

_I'm not sick. I don't belong here. I swear._

The chant repeats itself in my mind like a mantra, relentlessly pounding against the sides of my skull as I scamper on.

Incessant beats of my heart increase in speed, perspiration clings to me like a bur and my breathing grows hoarse as my adrenaline spikes. The blaring of the alarm continues to assault my ears as I dash down the dark, foreboding halls.

_Left right left right_

_Stagger on, stagger on_

Sounds of disillusioned, bloodcurdling screams resound down the halls and echo against my eardrums, causing the harsh reality to come crashing down on me.

_He _is near.

The demented 'doctor' with his relentless façade of rehearsed speeches and detached lethargic gazes that never fail to make me shudder.

They can't keep me here; I won't let them.

Freedom is just too close.

Somewhere in my sub-consciousness, the concept of 'freedom' personifies.

I can almost grasp it. I can almost smell it.

It smells like blue lotus flowers ripening in the late afternoon sun, its last rays lingering on the intense beauty that the misty midnight blue petals portray.

It smells like fresh spring water, not rainwater. Rainwater seems polluted by mankind somehow, but the crisp smell of spring water—it is untainted by the horrors of humanity and their ideas of 'normal'.

Freedom.

It is...pure, unpolluted and _oh_ so close.

Their ominous footsteps are fast approaching. They are getting closer, closer, closer, close enough to catch me.

A brief falter in my hope and I'm slowing down.

"Bella, just keep going,"

I chance a glance to the side to see Natalie smirking as she effortlessly jogs beside me, her aura of optimism is just so infectious and I'm instantly speeding up - I'm not alone.

The fact that no one has ever seen Natalie except for me is something that I just don't question.

At the sight of the doors, I allow the foreign feeling of anticipation to wash over me. It radiates out of my pores and increases in size the closer I get. The doors mean freedom. Freedom means hope. Hope means happiness. Happiness means-

Five pale fingers grip my sickly thin arm.

As they tighten their grip and yank me backwards, my inner feelings of hope and happiness cascade down my back and like a whirlwind, wash away into nothingness as I am abruptly brought back out of my reverie.

The truth of what I have done begins to personify; it showers over me as the idea of freedom continues to drift away, out of reach.

Stupid. I am so _stupid_.

And so I scream—bloodcurdling screams as I reach out to Natalie to help me.

But she just stares back, frozen.

"She is screaming about_ her_ again," his voice is as icy cold as his eyes, apathetic. "She is unstable. Inject the anesthetic," he calmly orders.

Hesitantly, I lift my eyes to look up at him, but a sharp pain submerges me into darkness before I can.

XXX

Bright.

The room radiates brightness.

So bright that the vivid rays emitting from the plain white walls surrounding me penetrate my closed eyelids and seep into my long forgotten consciousness, coaxing me away from the unfulfilled wishes that associate itself with blissful sleep. Sleep had taken no time in its task to secure me in its grip; and it is in this sleep-induced haze that I realise that the sun has finally made a long-awaited appearance.

I take a deep breath.

A rush of cool air crawls down my dry throat and ventures through my lungs. My sense of awareness becomes more apparent with every breath and it is when I open my bloodshot eyes that I remember that I had never achieved any sense of freedom.

I have lost.

It is when I look down that I realise that I'm tied up.

My arms, they're bound to my body and my legs are wrapped up in impenetrable rope.

Trying to escape is fruitless, but I still struggle against it.

Rope marks, red as murky blood begin to tarnish my skin as evidence of my fight against it, but it still resists, not breaking, not loosening and not bearing any marks from me. It seems undeterred by my growing panic as the task grows more and more futile with every passing second.

Tick…tock…tick… tock

The seconds continue to tick by, taking my sanity with it.

The door pounds open as Dr. Cullen finally enters, grasping a needle.

And I shrink further into myself at the sight of it.

"Please, let me go. I'm not crazy," I'm all wide eyes and trembling lips as I plead with him.

"I am afraid I cannot, Bella. You are not stable enough to go into the outside, and besides"—he chuckles to himself, a demented smirk playing at the ends of his lips—"I still need you here to help me."

His blue eyes pierce into mine, as cold as ice, as manic as thunderstorms.

I struggle even more, my frenzy to escape taking over me.

My heart continues to thunder against my ribcage as traitorous tears begin to trickle from the corners of my eyes.

"I'm not sick. I swear!" I shriek as he strides closer with the needle; but his manic stalk towards me does not falter a step.

I hear a scream.

"Please!"

It's a piercing scream, filled with anguish.

_I'm not sick. I don't belong here. I swear._

_I'm not sick. I don't belong here. I swear._

_I'm no—_

And it's mine.


	2. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

_Their words, mostly noises_

_Ghosts with just voices_

_Your words in my memory_

_Are like music to me_

_I'm miles from where you are_

_I lay down on the cold ground_

_And I,__I pray that something picks me up_

Snow Patrol - Set The Fire to The Third Bar

**Chapter 1**

It's when I wake up for school that morning that I just know; this is not going to be a good day.

Whether it's the ever screeching alarm or the fact that my bed is feeling particularly warm and inviting this morning, I'm not sure.

They say you should always listen to your instincts; they know more than you realise. So I should listen to them now I guess, but ever the critic, I don't.

I yank the covers off and let the shock of the chilly September air startle me awake.

"Hey girly, you going to just sit there all day or are you going to get ready for school?"

I roll my eyes in feigned annoyance as I grin up at Natalie who's standing on the other side of the room, hands on her hips, lollipop on her lips and looking dressed already.

For who - I'd never know. It's not as if anyone else could see her.

"Yes Natalie," I answer back as I make my way to the bathroom, "I am going to sit here all day."

"Har-har you're _so_ funny Bella," she retorts.

"Of course I am Nat, how else am I going to brighten up your day?" I ask through the bathroom door as she laughs in response.

As soon as I am done, I follow the scent of bitter coffee downstairs and pour myself a cup; letting its sharp taste fuel me with some much needed energy.

"Hey honey," my mother addresses me with a small smile that fails to reach her eyes.

Behind her is a picture – it's all smiles and clasped arms as my mother and father embrace on their wedding day. Huge smiles grace their faces and I am once again shocked at how much she has aged.

Well how much they have _both_ aged.

Her face, so young and youthful in the picture, is now a split image of wrinkles and graying hair.

A pang of regret resonates against my chest as I try to think of how stressful it must have been raising me with my uh- _problems_.

"Hey mom," I try to smile back, attempting to clear my thoughts, but it must have come out as a grimace as her face morphs into a frown before she turns back to the breakfast she's preparing.

_She never asks how I am anymore, _I wonder with a sigh.

I always thought that she might have been tired of me, but I always reprimanded myself for thinking that.

She is my _mother._

She couldn't get tired of me - could she?

They say that it's the things that they don't say that hurt the most. I don't believe that is necessarily true. It does the opposite actually. At least for me it does. It fills me with hope. It makes me hope that maybe I could fix whatever it is that has severed the ties that we never did have. Because when a person doesn't outright say it, you don't actually know what's going on in their heads. Here you are foolishly thinking the best when it could be the worst.

So you're stuck there conjuring up all these reasons because who knows; maybe the real reason is right behind you, lounging on the sitting room couch waiting to leave with a lollipop set between her teeth.

I have learnt not to acknowledge her presence in front of my parents.

_8 Years ago_

_Up in her bedroom, a ten year old girl is having a tea party with her best friend Natalie. The two ten year olds giggle as imaginary tea is poured and sipped._

_"Why thank you Lady Isabella," Natalie says in a poor attempt at a posh accent as she sets down her lollipop. The pinky finger of her hand holding the cup is pointing upwards and the two girls burst into giggles yet again._

_"You are very welcome Lady Natalie," I answer with a bow. We are both dressed up in our best princess dresses with the biggest smiles on our faces._

_"Bella honey," my mother enters my room with a small smile, "Are you alright? I heard laughing."_

_"I'm fine mom," I giggle again and turn to Natalie who is all big teeth and goofy grins. "I am having a tea party with Natalie. Would you like to join us?"_

_Catching sight of my mother's alarmed expression wipes the smile from my face as she makes her way towards me._

_Eyes wild._

_"Natalie? No Natalie does not exist baby don't say that!" She shrieks._

_"Sh-she is mom, she right here-"_

_"No she is not!" She interrupts, "She is imaginary and you are too old for imaginary friends Isabella, so stop this right now!"_

_My mouth trembles as she leaves the room, her hands tugging her hair and without a second glance back at my shaky form. The sound of the door slamming is like a trigger as the tears spill down my cheeks._

_That was the last time I mentioned Natalie in front of any of my parents._

I shake my head as I try to clear my thoughts yet again catching sight of the coat rack.

It's empty.

Which means that my father has already gone to work; he's almost never at home.

"Just got a call, the boss needs me to do an extra shift," he always says. But whether that is really true, I don't want to know.

_8:11_

When I check my phone, I know that the coffee hasn't kicked in yet as it takes me a few seconds to register how late I really am, but when I do, I quickly scoop up my empty plate, wash it, pick up my bag that I had already packed the night before and rush out yelling a quick bye to my mother.

As soon as I'm outside, I catch sight of my pickup truck and can't help the smile pulling at the corners of my lips as I jump into the baby that is my truck with Natalie laughing as she trails behind me.

I ignore her and roll my eyes as I turn the ignition and shoot out to school.

She doesn't seem to take the hint as she continues to chat and laugh aimlessly at my expense and with each second she does so, my annoyance grows with it.

That is until we reach the school and I can't take it anymore.

"Yes Natalie, it is hilarious laughing at me, but some people have school to go to which you don't since nobody can see you anyway!" I burst out, hands shaking, face red.

I am instantly hit with a wave of regret and I know that words can't be taken back, but I try anyways, "Nat, I'm sor-"

"Don't even bother," she interrupts. She's all pent up anger, arms folded and cold eyes and I'm left wracked with guilt as she disappears.

Maybe it's the stress of fighting with Natalie, or being late, or my guilt towards my parents that made me more acute to the other voices I have been hearing my entire life. But as I leave my truck and the familiar faint mumbling I had grown accustomed to make its way to my ears, I ignore it like I usually do.

And instead of fading into the background like usual, the voices grow louder.

"It's going to ha-"

"That's why she should liste-"

"No-"

The voices, they turn to screeches as I try to cover my ears in vain. But it persists; and like hot iron, it burns its way into my ears as hot as blazing fire. It pounds its way into my skull and is relentless in its quest to smother me with pain.

I don't know how I can feel it in the midst of all those voices, but when a sharp pain shoots up from my knees, I know that I have fallen onto the cold, damp ground below.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that other students are surrounding me. Most in amusement at the expense of the school freak having such a public meltdown.

But I just don't have it in me to care.

It's these voices.

They're so _loud_; and they would just not _stop._

_Stop._

_STOP._

"STOP STOP STOP!" I hear a distressed voice screeching and it takes me a while to realise that the panicked voice is mine.

I have never reacted like this before.

_Never._

But my voice is nothing compared to the flurry of voices that are still pounding against my skull.

These voices are the last thing I hear before everything goes black.

_I knew it wasn't going to be a good day._


	3. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

**Chapter 2**

_He needed to see her._

_He did not know how he was going to do it yet, but he knew he would find a way._

_He would always find a way to see her once again._


	4. Chapter 3

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

_I'm faking glory_

_Lick my lips, toss my hair_

_And turn the smile on_

_And the story's brand new_

_But I can take it from here_

_I'll find my own bravado_

Lorde – Bravado

**Chapter 3**

_Beep…Beep…Beep…_

"I just can't deal with this anymore Charlie; I just don't think we can help her at home. None of us know what we're doing and sometimes at night, I swear, I can hear Bella talking to _her_." I am awoken from my slumber by the broken voice of my mother whispering as I gain consciousness - it's faint, but I can hear her.

_Beep…Beep…Beep…_

What does she mean by her? Is she talking about Natalie?

"It's alright Renee, remember what the doctor said, they would be able to refer her to Dr. Cullen's psychiatric hospital. It's the best we can do for her; she's a lost cause."

Wait, I'm a lost cause?

Although my mind adamantly refuses to the register the notion, the feelings of hurt and anger still pour over me as I struggle for breath.

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP._

"Charlie, her heart monitor is going crazy! Call a nurse or something!" My mother's frantic voice calls out and seconds later, I hear a door opening then closing.

"No…" I croak out, "No, I don't need a nurse." I manage to say, my voice stronger. I don't need any help from anyone. All it does is leave you with such bitterness that winds its way through your mind again and again.

With all my strength, I open my eyelids and am almost blinded by the bright room.

Why are hospital rooms white?

That's the only thing clouding my thoughts at that moment as I quickly shut my eyes again, shielding it.

When I open them again I am met with the concerned gaze of my mother as she gives me a small smile. It's all shaky, hesitant and deceptive… and I suddenly can't believe I actually fell for it in the past.

"How are you feeling honey?"

Honey.

The term of endearment that once brought feelings of being loved now leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

I don't even have time to answer when the door is quickly flung open and a doctor enters the room, with my father trailing behind.

"Hello Isabella, my name is Dr Platt." He introduces himself as I make sure not to look at either of my parents. "You seemed to have taken quite a fall earlier, how are you doing?" He asks and he's all feigned kindness and barely concealed apathy as he looks over an x-ray of my skull.

"Well," I face him with an icy stare, "just peachy."

"Uh, good" he clears his throat, "You're x-ray shows no signs of any head trauma but just in case, I would just like you to look into this torch."

My eyes are again assaulted as he shines a light so bright it makes my vision blurry when he's done and then proceeds to touch the back of my head. The sharp pain it ensues causes me to wince which he notices.

"Are you in pain?" He asks, his gaze professional yet calculating.

"No," he doesn't believe me.

"Alright, you don't seem to have a concussion, but I will still prescribe some painkillers, just in case of any pain." He states with a rueful smile and a complementary nod then strides out of the room with such an air full of faux authority, I can't help but roll my eyes.

_Tick… tock… tick… tock_

The clock at the corner of the room continues to tick as my gaze stays glued to the ceiling, preoccupied with its constant noise.

"Bella, are you feeling alright after your uh-episode?" My father asks, and I look up at him only to look down again at the sight of his grim expression.

"I'm alright,"

"Good yes that's good… We were worried about you kiddo," Resigned, I stare at him blankly as he wipes his hands on his legs and nervously glances at my mother sitting next to him who is an image of stoic calm.

"Thanks dad," I put all my energy into smiling, "I'm glad I'm not a lost cause to you guys,"

His eyes widen as he takes in what I said, visibly shocked as his mouth opens and closes as he fruitlessly attempts to form an answer.

"You heard didn't you?" My mother beats him to it and her voice is so detached, I am almost afraid to answer – but I do.

"Yes…you're sending me away aren't you?"

"No," my father answers at the same time as my mother said yes and he clears his throat, "I mean yes."

"I get it," I answer faking complete indifference, even though on the inside, I'm tearing apart. "I'm not exactly the model daughter you both wanted."

"No, that's not it and you know that," his voice rises in exasperation as he grows desperate to defend himself. "We cannot handle you anymore Bella! You need help and you won't be getting that from us. We are tired of having to baby you. I mean look at you, you're seventeen!"

He takes a deep breath as he visibly tries to calm himself down before he continues. "We shouldn't have to worry about what would happen to you every time we leave you alone. You need to grow up and stop relying on us because we give up trying to help you Bella," Unable to move, I just watch as he visibly deflates with years of barely concealed frustration rushing out in the longest speech I have ever seen him make, ending with him shrinking back into his seat.

"Alright – I get it," My voice is laced with bitterness as I look away from his prying eyes.

I turn to my mother in search of something in her expression to show that she still cares. That she doesn't want to leave her only daughter.

_Anything._

But she just looks back with a blank expression.

She isn't going to defend me.

She agrees with him.

And amongst the constant buzz of the voices in the back of my head; amongst the heavy breathing of my father after his speech; amongst the stillness and iciness of my mother's gaze, I hear my heart breaking under the immense strain of the hurt and betrayal.

"Please, just leave." I plead with them, "I'll go to that place, but please just leave me alone. I need some time to take this all in." I mumble, not looking at either of them, holding back the traitorous tears.

The echoed sound of the door closing signals their departure.

That is all it takes for the shaky sobs to take over my body as I feel my world come tumbling down.

Natalie isn't here.

My parents couldn't wait to leave.

I'm all alone.

Alone without the love from my parents.

Alone with the anger from Natalie.

Alone with these _voices_.

Maybe I belong there after all.


	5. Chapter 4

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

**Chapter 4**

_After so many years, he finally got the answer he was looking for._

_The answer - it took the form of a file on his desk and as soon as he opened it, he knew._

_He knew he would see her again. _


	6. Chapter 5

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

_I'm sitting in a room made up of only big white walls_

_And in the hall, there are people looking through_

_The window and the door_

_They know exactly what we're here for_

_Don't look up, just let them think_

_There's no place else you'd rather be_

Paramore - Fences

**Chapter 5**

Two days.

I have been here for two days now.

Two days filled with indifferent parents signing papers, health checks by nurses with an air of feigned kindness, with a myriad of voices pounding against the back of my head and with no Natalie.

So she's not here when I meet Dr. Cullen.

I am awoken out of my stupor by the sound of the door to my room unlocking as he lets himself in. He's all smile and grace of one with such sophistication and kindness that I am instantly uncomfortable.

I don't trust him.

"Isabella Swan," he greets with a stony white smile, "as you may already know, my name is Dr. Cullen. How are you today?" He asks as he goes to take a seat in the chair at the corner of the room with such ease and confidence, resting a file on his lap.

"I'm fine," I answer; I figure that answering him as simply as I can would get him to leave faster.

Undeterred by my short answer however, his permanent smile remains etched on his face as he continues to stare at me with such intense scrutiny that my face starts to heat up. I can feel him assessing me with his gaze and my instincts are screaming for me to get away – fast.

I stealthily glance at the door - it's unlocked.

But how can I run when he's closer to the door?

_Think._

I peer at the door again as my mind grows desperate for any plan to come to fruition in my mind.

"If you are trying to come up with ways to run away, I wouldn't try if I were you," he laughs, interrupting my musings as I quickly fight to compose my features and shake my head. I'm sweet innocence and adamant denial and… his blue eyes don't show even an ounce of belief.

"Nevertheless, onto the topic at hand; I am here to discuss your file with you Bella." He opens the file that appears to be too thick to be mine and begins to read from it, "It states here that you are hearing these strange voices. Would you care to elaborate on that?" As soon as he asks, he has his pen ready in his hand, eager to make notes.

A little too eagerly actually.

Too bad I don't trust him.

"No that explains all of it." I reply simply, easily.

That doesn't seem to placate him as he sighs in frustration and pinches the bridge of his nose; I watch, as like taking off a mask, his calm façade instantly fades.

"But what do these voices say exactly? How many of them are they?" He asks frantically, releasing the pinching hold on his nose.

"I don't kno-"

"No you do know!" He's looming over me now, tugging on the ends of his hair before he starts pacing the room, his breaths getting deeper and deeper as he attempts to calm himself down. "Just tell me who they are Isabella and your life here will be so much easier." His icy blue eyes seem to flash as his sickeningly calm voice only proves to intimidate me even further.

But I'm not going to give in.

"I don't know who they are, I swear to you. I'm not well!" My eyes dart around, frantically trying to find a something to protect myself with and coming up short, "I just hear these voices; I don't know what they say and I don't know who they are, only that they are voices." I cry out, hoping my panicked voice would show him how unstable I am.

Well how unstable I want him to _believe_ I am.

My hope is fruitless as his eyes flit in my direction, flashing.

"That's the thing," he comments, the corners of his mouth pulling up to form a menacing smile. "These aren't 'just voices', it has been documented that you have fainted because of the enormity of these voices. So this is much bigger than just a 'textbook illness'." He uses his fingers to quote it.

"What?"

Ignoring my apparent confusion, he strides to the door; but right before he opens it, he turns back, eyes blazing.

"I still need you to help me Isabella," he sighs as he registers my confused gaze, "I will not tell you the details just yet, but I am now certain that you can help me and only when you successfully help me is when I will discharge you." He finishes with a smirk, seeming to share a private joke with himself.

My heart pounds wildly in my chest as he continues to stare with his unflinching gaze and it's when his blue eyes burn their way into my brown orbs he leaves, satisfied.

As soon as I hear the door lock, I feel the claustrophobia creep in. It winds itself around my legs and clings onto my arms, smothering me in its relentless hold.

I hysterically pull on my hair as I fix my panicked eyes around the room.

"Natalie, where are you?!" I cry out, the feeling of utter loneliness takes its hold over me, clasping its hold onto the base of my neck as wracking coughs take over my frame. "You can't leave me here alone Natalie! Do you hear me?" My voice grows desperate as I attempt to stand up from my bed, only to stumble onto the harsh ground below, the weight of my pure anguish pulling me down.

She doesn't answer.

I punch the ground again and again, but as the sobs begin to take over me, I suddenly remember where I am and who could have heard me.

After a few minutes of staring intently at the door in hopes that no one had heard and would enter, I sigh in relief as all I am met with is utter silence.


	7. Chapter 6

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

**Chapter 6**

_She was so adamant about hiding it, but he knew._

_He's much too old to take part in such foolish games of cat and mouse._

_He knew exactly what she was capable of and he was going to use it to his advantage._

_Simple._


	8. Chapter 7

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

_I don't believe my ears and I'm scared of my own head_

_I will deny you for years and I'll make you raise me from the dead_

_And if I said that I would live for you for nothing in return_

_Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Gullible, but lying's all I've learned_

_So be concerned_

Twenty One Pilots – Be Concerned

**Chapter 7**

_I can't see anything. _

_It's pitch black and although I am free to move, the darkness is more suffocating than a thousand ropes. _

_I feel my eyes dart around at nothing, trying to make sense of it all and coming up short. _

_There's darkness and then there's pitch blackness. The kind that halts your movements and speeds your heart rate. The kind that screams out at you, letting you know that you are completely helpless to it. To the unknown._

_"You __will __help me." His strangely calm voice whispers from behind._

_I whip backwards in search for the source only to be paralysed by a pair of icy blue orbs. _

_I take a step back, he takes a step forward._

_Backwards, forwards, backwards, forwards._

_He chuckles to himself as if it is a sick game to him and my mind attempts to conjure up a way to escape._

_One misstep and I'm suddenly falling. I'm panicking, I'm screaming, I'm tearing at the air, trying to find any source of solace as I'm tumbling my way down more and more darkness._

_Down, down dow-_

* * *

"What was that all about?" She asks as I jolt awake. My already panicked heart begins another round of hectic hammering as my wide eyes attempt to locate her.

I stretch my arm beside my sweaty head and turn on the lamp - the slight stream of sunlight emanating out of the steel-covered window above is doing nothing to light up the room.

And she's there, standing with her hands on her hips, lollipop in place.

Natalie.

I feel the smile stretch across my face as I rub any remnants of sleep from my eyes.

"Natalie..?" I croak out. I'm all sleep-deprived and high-strung and confused as she skips towards me and jumps onto the bed.

"I'm so sorry Bella! I shouldn't have overreacted like that. If I had known what was happening, I would have stayed. I should have been here; I've always had your back. I'm so so-"

"Nat!" I interrupt, "Please don't apologise; it's all entirely my fault," I sigh, "I brought this all on myself and I shouldn't have placed my anger on you. I'm the one who should be apologising." I give her a wary smile, all traces of the tiredness now gone.

She simply smiles in response and it's in that smile that we both know that there's no need to say anything else about it; she has already forgiven me.

"Why were you screaming?" She suddenly asks, "Bad dreams?"

"You have no idea," I answer back with a sigh, "Bad dreams don't even begin to cover it,"

"Bella," she states, her eyes hardening, "tell me everything that's happened."

"This doctor is crazy," she says as soon as I finish, she tries to laugh, but it's shaky at best and her face is even paler than it usually is, but that's not the only thing.

She's biting her nails; she only bites her nails when she's stressed.

"What is it?" I ask, my panic peaking again as I push back the stray pieces of hair covering my face.

"Oh it's nothing," she flicks her hand nonchalantly, "that guy is just a psycho!" She smiles, it's laced with alarm and comes out as a grimace, but I let it go; allowing the hurt to linger over me.

We never keep secrets.

"Where were you?" I ask curiously.

"Huh?" Her eyes widen innocently in an attempt to pretend she can't hear me.

"Where were you?" I'm persistent.

"Oh, I just had some business." She grins and it's all hesitant and innocent and doesn't fool me one bit.

"No-"

_Knock knock knock_

On instinct, my hands instantly clam up as the sound of knocks followed by the jingling of keys resonate against the door.

"It's time for breakfast," a nurse pops her head through the door as I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, "would you like me to escort you to the kitchens?" She asks politely, but her constantly shifting gaze says otherwise.

"No thanks," I say confidently now as I stand up with Natalie following suit and make our way to the kitchen.

'_Dr. Cullen_'

My heart jumps then pounds in my chest as I pass his office, and I can't help but hope that his door isn't open. I don't want to get a glimpse of the man the plagues my nightmares or better yet, if _he_ gets a glimpse of _me_.

All the worrying is in vain as I see that it's closed.

One glance at Natalie confirms that she has the same relieved expression as I have as we enter the kitchens in silence.

It's all stoic guards, shifting patients and judging white walls and I instantly recoil at the sight of it all.

_This is your third day here, get a grip._

As if on autopilot, I pick up my tray and get some cereal before going to sit at one of the back tables with Natalie beside me the whole time. I feel safer with her here, more than I've ever felt here before. She's at least a constant in my life; even if she does keep secrets from me.

This feeling of comfort doesn't last long though - I feel his gaze long before I looked up and meet it.

His strangely empty eyes continue to bore into mind and, as if seemingly sensing my discomfort, the corners of his mouth pull into a demented smile before he leaves the room, his task of making me uncomfortable fulfilled.

"Stay away from him Bella," Natalie whispers beside me, "trust me, he's a mad man."

I nod in agreement - She doesn't have to tell me twice.

It's just after lunch that they call us all to the main room. I have taken to staying in my room with Natalie as far away from Dr. Cullen and his stares as possible during the day.

It feels safer there; even though I know that it's not.

The main room is cramped and humid; the walls are covered with cracks and there are tears in the wallpaper the size of fingernails dragged down along it.

Dr. Cullen is all superficial friendliness and stony smiles as he makes his way to the front of the congregation without sparing me a glance which I am both unnerved yet relieved by.

"Everyone," he gestures behind him and a young man with a shock of Copper coloured hair steps in front of him, "A new member of the team has generously volunteered to play piano for you all. His name is Edward and we hope that he will be able help bring an aura of calm around here with his playing." His announcement is short and precise, just like himself.

Edward offers an awkward smile and a wave - clearly he did not volunteer to do this at his own free will.

We all mumble our greetings in response as he turns around and pulls on a sheet covering a sleek black piano behind him, showing it to us all, but makes no move to play.

"Well..?" Dr. Cullen's calm façade fades slightly as he impatiently urges Edward to play. "Why don't you play them some of your original work?"

With a short sigh and eyes downcast, he positions himself in front of the piano.

The tones flow from his fingers and his eyes close on their own accord as he plays, and it is a sweet melody, such a sweet melody.

That's sickly familiar.

It echoes against the walls, and resonates against the inner crevices of my skull, seemingly making the voices that are constantly mumbling in the back of my head just cease to exist.

Silent.

It's just that melody; it takes over my entire being and I am just left staring in bewilderedness. It is as if his playing sparks the pause button but as soon as he stops, he hits play again and the voices lingering in the back of my head come flooding back into the forefront of my mind.

I don't even register the half-hearted applause as I stand there in shock when he turns around and smiles sheepishly at us all.

We make eye contact and his smile falters slightly before he quickly glances back at Dr. Cullen who looks back at him. They seem to share a look between each other before they both stare back at me.

At the same time.

A sickly smile begins to form at the corners of Dr. Cullen's mouth as they both continue to stare at me a fraction of a second longer than necessary.

It's as if they have a plan for me; both of them.

This is all just too confusing, too much.

I need to get away – now.

And that's when I run.


	9. Chapter 8

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

**Chapter 8**

_She did not know it yet, but he was watching and waiting._

_Always._


	10. Chapter 9

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

_See my dreams all die_

_From where you're standing_

_On your own_

_It's so quiet here_

_And I feel so cold_

_This house no longer_

_Feels like home_

Nikisha Reyes-Pile ft. Ben Cocks - So Cold

**Chapter 9**

"Don't" she says.

I carry on running.

"Just stop, I'll explain later. Please just stop," she sighs in frustation, "you're not thinking straight, do you even know where the exit is?" Natalie asks, exasperated.

The realisation makes my steps falter.

Where is the exit?

That brief hesitation provides the guard with the opportunity to step in front of me. I fruitlessly attempt to run around him, but he only chuckles in response.

"And where do you think you're going little lady?" He sneers, sheer dominance emanating out of every pore.

"I uh-"

"Say you need to go to the bathroom," she calmly orders.

"I, I need to go to the bathroom," I mumble, he doesn't look very convinced, "I need to go!" I add for emphasis with a shriek, bouncing from one leg to the other.

_Left right left right_

He immediately moves to the side, eyes wide with embarrassment.

I hear snickering behind me and it's Natalie, I know it is. A quick glance back and I catch a glimpse of her shaking her head in disbelief.

"Oh, uh, well off you go," he laughs nervously, scratching the back of his head before walking in the other direction.

I take that as my cue to leave as I rush to my room to find the door partially open.

_Weird, I don't remember leaving it open behind me_.

But I don't have time to think about that because Natalie is livid.

"What were you thinking Bella?!" She shouts, pacing the room, with her right hand gripping her lollipop, as I fall onto the bed, "you need to plan these things! You can't just run around like that. We will make a plan to get out of here, but it's going to take some time." She's pinching the bridge of her nose now, the precise image of frustration.

She keeps pacing.

"Nat, I have to tell you something," I whisper, my expression grave. She stops her irrational pacing at the sight of my change in expression and nods for me to continue. "When _he _was playing the piano," I can't bring myself to say his name, "I can't really explain it properly, but the voices just stopped."

I watch her face to see her reaction, to see if she is as unnerved about this as I am. Huh, unnerved doesn't even begin to cover it.

"Stopped?" She asks, her expression incredulous.

"Yes," I nod in assurance, "I have no idea how or why, but it happened and for the first time in my life, I didn't have to pretend to ignore the constant buzzing in the back of my mind because there was nothing to _ignore_. They were g_one_."

_They were gone._

Saying it out loud makes it all seem so real. Like choosing not to acknowledge it earlier only masked the reality of what had happened and I fear that I wouldn't understand it all.

I fear that I would _never_ understand it.

She sits down next to me without another word, her mind fruitlessly trying to come up with any plausible explanation and coming up short. But that's alright, she doesn't have to say anything; there is nothing she can say to explain it. She is as confused about it as I am, and yet, her silence provides me with so much more assurance than any of her words ever could.

It's schizophrenia with a mild case of depression.

Well that's what I have been diagnosed with.

I'm in his office for a meeting where he informs me of the medicine that I'm prescribed with, prolixin they call it, with antidepressants for my depression.

"You'll only be able to take the prolixin with food or milk," he states with an aura of professionalism before he starts to list off the possible side effects of both medicines.

I nod at the appropriate times, just waiting for the manic look to cloud over his eyes yet again.

But they don't.

They remain that icy colour, masking his inner frenzy with an ocean of such calm blue.

Even his eyes lie.

When he finishes, he dismisses me with a flick of his hand and that's it. No probing questions about the voices, no inexplicable statements, nothing.

It's just like that. Easy.

Too easy.

It's when I'm in the hall outside of his office that a piercing pain at the top of my head sharply rips me out of my confused daze.

Then I'm _falling falling falling._

I land on the wooden ground with a thud.

"I'm really sorry about that!" I peer up into the mossy green eyes of _him _the piano player, "are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine," I mumble in response, rubbing my arm which took the impact of the fall. My instincts are shouting for me to get away '_go go go' _they say.

"Let me help you up," he states, offering his hand and foolishly thinking that I am going to take it, "I'm Edward."

I get up without his help and he drops his hand awkwardly.

_Go go go_

I nod in response then swiftly turn around and walk to my room. Every fibre of my being is aching for me to sprint, but I can't. No, don't be obvious. He mustn't know that I'm onto him.

Him and Dr. Cullen and whatever they have planned for me.

"What's your name?" He's trailing behind me now.

_Go go go_

I see my room and quicken my pace, but he's still behind me. I can feel his gaze boring holes in the back of my head.

"Natalie," I glance back at him and say the first name that I can think of. A flash of surprise rapidly takes over his features before he composes it into an easy smile.

Weird.

Why was he so surprised? He must have known my real name; and none other than Dr. Cullen would have been the one who told him.

_Go go go_

The door, it's so close now and as soon as I reach it, I hurriedly yank the it open and slam it behind me, meeting the gaze of a rather confused Natalie lounging on my bed, eyes wide, back from wherever she went.

And it's when I see her that I remember; I really shouldn't have told him that my name is Natalie.


	11. Chapter 10

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

**Chapter 10**

_Time._

_That was all he needed._

_When the time was right, it would dawn on them; as silent as the wind, as powerful as a hurricane. _

_Then they would all know and he would get her back._

_But in the meantime, he would plan and he would wait._


	12. Chapter 11

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

_And at most I'm sleeping all these demons away_

_But your ghost, the ghost of you_

_It keeps me awake_

Ghost – Ella Henderson

**Chapter 11**

Sometimes when I'm dreaming I hear it. The voices, they become more tangible, more manageable somehow and I can understand what they're saying.

This is one of those nights.

It starts out normal, a constant buzzing in the background of the dream, then one voice, one clear voice rises above the rest.

Normally it would be a phrase, a bit confusing, but not alarming.

"Finish all your crumbs, don't leave any behind," they'd say phrases similar that. It would be confusing as hell, but wouldn't frighten me at all.

Tonight it's different though.

"Watch out for the man in the white jacket," it's a woman's voice and her alarmed tone almost wakes me from my slumber.

I feel my eyes crack open and I see her. Her face is clear as day; it's heart-shaped and surrounded by brown hair cascading down her shoulders. Her eyes are a piercing jade colour with old laugh lines that are now morphed into a frown and she's reaching for me.

"He has a plan, don't fall for it. Promise me!" Her voice, like screeches resonate against my eardrums as I reach to take her outstretched hand. I'm so close to touching her hand, so close, but instead of a cold palm, I am met with such a sharp shock which immediately jolts me from my slumber.

As soon as I wake up, hand still tingling from the current, Natalie is nowhere to be seen and my mind won't switch off and let me go fall back to sleep. So I sit, hand clenched, and stare out the steel-covered windows at the pitch black night, as murky and unfathomable as my future.

"What happened?" It's morning when Natalie finally comes to the room from wherever she was, the sight of my sleepless bloodshot eyes startling her.

"I had a weird dream Nat," It takes me a while to answer as she tilts her head to the side, "It was this woman that I've never seen before and she said something really strange – 'watch out for the man in the white jacket-'" Her expression suddenly darkens as she takes it in and rushes towards me in such a panic, interrupting me mid-sentence.

"Did you see her? What did she look like Bella? You need to remember this," she breathes out, so unlike her usual composed self.

"Uh, brown hair, sharp green eyes," I hazardously run my fingers through my limp hair, confused, "Why is what she looks like so important?"

"Oh it's nothing," She says with a small grin and I instantly know she's lying again, "but I would listen to her though." Her eyes, so wise beyond her years grow rigid.

_Just clap and smile Bella, clap and smile._

It's just after lunch again and he has just finished playing that same hauntingly familiar melody that has been playing on my mind all day.

XXX

"_Am I doing this right, Mommy?" I ask innocently, my stubby fingers are resting on the keys of the sleek black piano as I look up at my mother sitting beside me. _

"_Yes darling, you are doing excellently." Even at such a young age, I know that she is just trying to placate me, but I can't help grinning anyways. _

"_Would you play it again for me mommy?" I ask her, she smiles down at me with my pigtails and rosy cheeks and nods before turning to the piano and playing the sweet melody that I had heard so many times, but had never failed from putting me in a trance._

"_Good, I hope this will make you forget her," she whispers and I open my eyes, with my childish gaze all confusion and amusement, to look up at her._

"_Her?" I ask giggling at my silly mommy, shaking my head._

"_Good," she grins, "You're forgetting her already."_

XXX

Did he not say it was an original song? How did my mother know it? Why did it stop these voices? Wha-

"Natalie?" A hand on my shoulder jerks me out of my daydream and I'm met with his piercing green eyes. "Are you alright?" He asks, his smile cautious.

He is all concern and kindness and he makes me sick.

Because I remember where I heard the song from, both are one and the same; he knows something.

"I'm fine," I don't smile back as I turn around and all but run to the room.

* * *

It's well past midnight when the idea comes to mind.

I need to learn the song; _maybe I can make the voices stop myself_, I think as I jump out of the flimsy bed and open the door before I change my mind.

_Weird, it isn't locked. Why isn't it locked?_

I ponder over the reasons as I make my way to the room where the piano lies.

Each step is muffled by my socks, but it's my erratic heartbeat that I am worried about. It resounds against my ears and I am almost sure that they would hear it.

The main room is eerily silent and weirdly bigger when there is no one there, but the tears on the wallpaper, like curled fingers, beckon me closer.

Once I'm sure no one is around, I pull on the white sheet and I am amazed at the beauty and familiarity of the black glossy piano up close.

I can't help running my fingers over the top as I sit down.

As soon as my fingers touch the keys though, I start to remember. Bits and pieces float in my mind like a jigsaw puzzle, with millions of pieces that I just can't seem to connect.

I can feel my frustration building with each wrong note.

_Wrong wrong wrong_

_It's all wrong wrong wrong_

"Why can't I get this right?" I hiss out, pulling on the ends of my hair in utter frustration before hiding my face in my hands.

The sound of footsteps approaching makes me shoot up and try to find the nearest exit, but it's a futile pursuit as I realise there is only one exit, and it is where the person is coming from.

"Who's there?"

I instantly freeze as I recognise the voice - it's him.


	13. Chapter 12

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

**Chapter 12**

_He grew impatient._

_Did she not want him to get her back? Is that why?_

_He just needed a sign, any sign that it was time._


	14. Chapter 13

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

_I'm tired of feeling like I'm crazy_

_I'm tired of driving 'til I see stars in my eyes_

_It's all I've got to keep myself sane_

Lana Del Rey - Ride

**Chapter 13**

"Natalie?" Edward asks, his eyes narrow, "What are you doing here?"

"Uh.." I ring my hands together as my mind tries to come up with any plausible excuse. "I, I wanted to learn how to play."

He smiles at me just then; and he's all sealed mystery and quiet confidence as he walks up to the piano, green eyes shining.

"Why?" He tilts his head to the left.

"Am I not allowed to have an interest in playing?" I retort back.

"No I mean," he pushes his hair out of his eyes, "I mean why are you learning in the middle of the night?"

"I couldn't sleep," I reply with a shrug, attempting to appear indifferent when, in actuality, I'm in full blown panic mode.

"Uh," his eyes shift around the room as he thinks of what to say, "I could teach you," he says, and I inch backwards onto the seat in disbelief, in need to create some distance.

Mistaking this for acceptance, he sits down beside me, "would you like me to teach you?" His fingers graze over the keys ever so slightly, but he doesn't play a single note, waiting.

Should I say yes? For a second, my mind conjures up an image of Natalie telling me that this is a bad idea and that I should get away. My instincts are yelling at me to do the same; but my mind is telling me that I could use this to my advantage. Either way, I need to learn this song so that I can know why it has the impact it does. Not forgetting the fact that I also need to know what plan he and Dr. Cullen are planning.

Keep your enemies closer right?

"Yes," I clear my throat, "I would," my tone is firm, leaving no space for doubt and uncertainty.

"What song would you like to learn?" He asks, and his face scrunches up as he tries to hide his smile.

"That song you were playing today," he nods, "What is it called by the way?" I ask.

"It doesn't really have a name," his eyes are squinting, guarded, "I just heard it in a dream one night and couldn't stop playing it ever since," this - the way he talks about it, it sounds rehearsed, as if he was told to say that and I'm not buying it.

"Anyways," he rubs his hands together, stopping me from asking anymore questions, "do you know how to play piano at all?"

"No," I answer, shaking my head. It's best for him to know as little about me as possible.

"Okay, let's start with the basics then," he responds, pressing on the keys.

* * *

"So what are you in for?" He asks after a while, and I look up at him incredulously, my eyes wide, his gaze questioning.

I almost laugh in disbelief as I turn back to the piano in silence, my fingers already placed on the keys, and continue to play.

Seeming to take my silence as an answer, he sighs quietly to himself.

"What are you in for?" I blurt out without thinking. He looks down at me unblinking, a smile playing at the ends of his lips.

"I asked you first," he retorts, his eyes dancing.

"And I asked you second," I quip back.

"Fine," he sighs melodramatically, "my dad caught me smoking in my room again and he was _livid_," I can tell he's exaggerating as he uses his hands for emphasis and I feel a laugh escape me, "he says it's either the car or I help out here by doing the night shift and playing the piano – so here I am," he mumbles.

"Does your dad work here?" I ask, unable to contain my laughter, but almost choke on it as I watch his gaze harden.

"No," he clears his throat, "he doesn't." he states in a tone that leaves no room for discussion – instantly putting me on guard.

So I analyse him, the way his gaze switches from this way to that, the way he clears his throat and swallows his nerves and I know. He's hiding something.

"It's getting late," he says after a stretch of silence that just goes on and on… "My shift will be over soon." He stands up and stretches, patting his pockets and his keys rattle in response.

"Yeah," I answer, I screw my eyes, constantly on guard and constantly analysing his change in demeanor.

He's a puzzle and his every response filled in the respective piece, bringing me closer to filling in the puzzle, connecting the dots and finding out the truth.


	15. Chapter 14

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

**Chapter 14**

_Patience is the key. Yes - that's what it was. _

_She was testing his patience and he would be damned if he didn't pass._


	16. Chapter 15

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

**_A/N- I am really really sorry about the late update! I had a major writer's block and then exams just caught up with me so I had to revise for them, but they are over now so there should be regular updates now. I have gone through all the previous chapters and edited it a lot if you want to re-read it._**

**_Guys, we beat the hundred reviews mark! Can you believe it?! Thank you so much for the faves/follows/reviews! They mean a lot to me :)_**

_And your skin gets thicker_

_As you try to figure out_

_What's it all about_

_One day it's here and then it's gone_

_How are you still holding on?_

Kodaline – One Day

**Chapter 15**

It has become routine now.

Every afternoon Edward would play the same haunting melody; every evening he'd teach me to play it; every night I'd have the same dream of the same ghostly woman and every night she'd be relentless in her quest warn me of the "man in the white coat".

If I could, I'd thank her for the reminders, it keeps me grounded, on guard and stops me from falling for his false pretenses when he never fails to act like a normal un-emotionally invested doctor.

Dr. Cullen never brings up the voices again.

Whenever I start to think I that it could have been a lapse in judgment, maybe he's not mad, she'd be in my mind, warning me and warning me.

Whenever I'd be the subject of his professional scrutiny, his eyes would reveal a lot more than his mouth ever would. His calculating gaze never fails to remind of her warnings; his sickeningly hard voice encourages me to heed it and his manic smiles tell me to run.

"I know about your little rendezvous, Edward and I must say, I am disappointed."

It's a little past midnight and I am on my way to meet him when I hear their conversation. I hide against the wall, shrinking my body so that I won't be seen and listen in, eyes peering in on them.

"Why so?" Edward enquires as he stands up, now eye level with Dr. Cullen.

"You are only here to do the night shifts and to play the piano for the patients; that is all," Dr. Cullen answers, "I don't expect you to be associating with any of the patients beyond the boundaries set," he narrows his eyes, "Especially Isabella Swan."

I watch as Edward's eyes widen, mouth gaping in shock, "what's so important about her?" he finally spits out.

"She uh…How shall I put this?" He clicks his fingers, "She's one of our more _extreme _cases," the Dr. answers with such an air of professionalism that even I'm almost convinced.

Edward isn't though.

"She is not; I mean excuse my lack of experience bu-"

"No I will not excuse you lack of experience!" Dr. Cullen booms, the ice of his eyes finally melting as his fiery finally rage takes over, "She is one of our most critical patients and I would like you to leave her alone." He says, jaw set, eyes narrow and storms out taking no notice of me hidden in the corner.

As soon as he leaves, Edward slumps onto the chair, his hands covering his face and sighs in frustration.

Quietly, I make my way to the seat and sit right next to him, but he doesn't hear me, just stays slouched forward.

"Thanks," I can't help the laugh that escapes as he jumps at the sheer sound of my voice and he smiles down at me but it's all hesitant, worn out and questioning.

"You heard?" He asks, but he already knows.

"Yes," I reply, "thanks for defending me - well trying to at least," I amend and his shoulders shake with silent laughter.

"He's a bit peculiar don't you think?" He asks, he's all playful smiles and twinkling eyes and I'm glad that I finally found a friend here other than Natalie.

"Tell me about it," I answer back, nonchalantly skimming my fingers over the keys, "The only reason I'm early is because I couldn't sleep after I had a dream about a woman warning me about him, crazy right?" I quickly cover my mouth with my hand in a fruitless attempt to take the words back.

_I still don't trust him._

"As if," he flicks his hand and gives out a short laugh, "I am curious though - uh" he clears his throat and I look up at him to find that his jaded eyes have lost a twinge of their playfulness, "what did this 'woman' look like?" he uses his fingers to place quotation marks over the word 'woman' to show that he doesn't believe me.

"The usual, black hair, green eyes," I list out.

"Is that it?" His eyes are probing me for more information and I can't take it.

"Yes..." I narrow my eyes.

"Well," he gives me a faux warm smile, "I wouldn't think much of it if I were you."

"Sure – you too," I add, eyes still narrow and watch him turn back to the keys.

"Let's carry on from where we left off shall we?" He asks, successfully changing the subject.

I nod in response.

* * *

_I foot in front of the other, quiet, quiet, quiet._

I play the mantra in my mind on repeat to distract me from the constant mumbling in the back of my mind as I make my may to the room after another piano lesson.

As soon as I open the door, Natalie is standing there, hands on her hips, expression furious.

"And where have you been?" She asks, she's tapping her foot, her lollipop hanging loosely from her mouth and she knows it annoys me when she does that.

"I uh-"

"Don't even bother with the lies Isabella Marie Swan, I saw you." Her voice is calm and icy, and I know not to think otherwise.

"He was just teaching me piano, it's no big deal Natalie seriously," I try to smile at her, but her stony expression doesn't change, I sigh in response, " I'm just using him so I can learn that song, I _need _to understand why it has such an effect on me."

"I don't like this," her gaze doesn't soften as she crosses her arms. "You can't trust him Bella," and suddenly I'm the furious one.

"Really Nat?" I ask her, my tone laced with sarcasm, "You haven't been here for days and you think you can just waltz in here and tell me what to do?" I yank back the stray strands of my hair that seem to make their way over my face and glare right back at her.

"No," she sighs to herself, "I just don't think you should trust him is all." She finishes.

"As a matter of fact, I don't trust him Natalie, not at all." I make my way to the bed and jerk the covers back, "and what would you know about him?" I ask, I am all flushed face, messy hair and fiery eyes as she stares me down; her gaze, strangely wiser.

"I know more than you think," she whispers to herself before turning around to leave.

That's when I know that I won't be seeing her for a while.


	17. Chapter 16

**_Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._**

**_All the characters are human._**

**Chapter 16**

_It was all coming together. _

_Not long now._

_Not long indeed._


End file.
